adventures in dating

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I decided to start dating. Actually dating. First time at it (save for 2 absolute disaster blind dates) since the 80’s.

What am I thinking?

What I am thinking:

  1. I have spent decades taking care of other people.
  2. I have put other people’s needs before my own my entire life.
  3. My life is never going to say, hey, you take some time for yourself now, we’ll all be fine. I’m going to have to take that time for myself.
  4. I’m not getting any younger.
  5. I’m a lot of fun.

Last week I joined an online dating site. I wrote a fairly irreverent and silly description of myself which included references to Monty Python, Shakespeare, The Princess Bride and a semi-naughty poem. I posted the insanely flattering professional photo of me that makes me look like a movie star. I also posted photos of me after a Warrior Dash, in a yoga class, messing around with my kids, and a couple of my feet in interesting places to make me look worldly and slightly mysterious. Then I started looking at the men the site suggested.

I am new at this, but I do have a few suggestion for men on the site:

  1. Don’t say you’re athletic and toned if you’re not – seems obvious, but…
  2. Those pictures of you holding the big fish you caught, all ten of them? Yeah, not a real turn on.
  3. Posing with various weapons? Ditto.
  4. Shots of you with animals you have killed? Double Ditto. (or I might not be your demographic)
  5. I’m very flattered you think I’m hot, but maybe there could be a few more things you could mention in your note to me?
  6. The picture with your ex where you’ve blurred out her face? Not so endearing. Get a friend to snap a picture of just you with your phone.
  7. Selfies in the bathroom – just don’t, I’m not ready to see your toilet yet.
  8. I realize you love your dog/cat/kid/kids but no more than a couple of pictures of them, they’re not why I’m here. (also your dog who died last year? why would you put up that one?)
  9. Why are you wearing sunglasses in all your pictures? Where you burned by acid?
  10. Why are you wearing baseball caps in all your pictures? Do you have hair or not, just let me know one way or another, I can deal with it, really.
  11.  That’s a very nice sportscar / motorcycle / sports utility vehicle, but maybe you could save all those manly photos for the guys who would probably be very impressed by them (again, I may not be your demographic).
  12. Spell check, spell check, spell check. No, really, it’s important.
  13. Don’t send me your address, I’m not going to come over to your house, even if you offer me presents.
  14. Try to write something that doesn’t involve the words soulmate, sunset, long walks, holding hands, sensitive, loving, or true love (unless you’re quoting the Princess Bride, and then bonus points).

In spite of this list I have met several wonderful men. No soul mates, but I wasn’t looking for one.  Something about dating in my 50th year has given me a freedom I never had before. If  I like someone, I’ll have a coffee with them, if I don’t, I won’t. I chat with who I like, and don’t take it personally if someone decides not to see me. It has turned into great fun. I had a much better face and body in my  20s, but my 49 year old mind is a much happier and much more secure one.

Onto to week 2 and more adventures.

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