how not to help

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warning: I’m worn out and pissed off.

how not to help

  1. ask if there is anything you can do, and then do nothing.
  2. ask if there is anything you can do, and not mean it a word of it.
  3. ask if there is anything you can do, and then gossip.
  4. ask if there is anything you can do while wearing a fake smile and (literally) walking away (body language – it’s not always subtle) – yes, this has happened, a few times.
  5. hang up on me after you asked what was going on – loved this.
  6. hang up on me, and then send multiple 6 word emails asking for information – love this even more.
  7. drop me as a friend.
  8. tell me “I did something right” because my girls are doing well. Was I ‘doing right’ 66.6% of the time? or perhaps, just maybe this ‘doing right’ is crap, and I got lucky 2 out of 3 times, and if your child is doing well, you’re pretty damn lucky too
  9. give up on us – thanks mom, (and others) you’re the best.
  10. talk about your ‘problems’ figuring out the right college, or what car to buy, or which European country you’ll vacation in this year – I’m sure these things are important to you, but maybe you could find someone else to tell about it?
  11. look at me with pity. your pity doesn’t help anyone.

 

how to help

  1. talk to me like someone who has a very ill family member, because that’s exactly what is going on. I have an ill son, who could die from his illness. If you think this isn’t an illness then I have nothing to say to you. Ever.
  2. be kind to my girls.
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2 thoughts on “how not to help

  1. thanks Deb, I hate it too, but … it has made me a better person, something I wouldn’t have managed without it. maybe will do the same with Graham? maybe.

  2. Shit Ruth. I hate this fucking disease. I hate it hate it hate it. And I love you and all of your kids. I can’t imagine how you are feeling, the powerlessness must be overwhelming. I’m sending energy your way. Hoping the bottom comes now and is soft, so the healing can start.

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