“Oh no, I’ve said too much…. I’ve said enough”

ImageSo. I’m a bit overwhelmed. 

I’m in that hamster wheel section of my brain where the thoughts spin faster and faster and get crazier and crazier. Not fun.

This is what’s spinning around:

  1. I need to move on from where I am now – career, relationship, life…
  2. I should get divorced. I WANT to get divorced. I can’t afford to get divorced.
  3. I need to get a job that pays me enough to live on, has benefits, and sick days. (divorce = no health care)
  4. I was trained as a nurse in Canada, but have to back to school to do that here.
  5. I need to go back to school – see 4.
  6. I need money to go back to school – see 1,2 & 4.
  7. I have a daughter in University.
  8. She needs money to go to school. 
  9. I need to borrow money – see 5 & 7.
  10. I already owe money – see 5,6,7, & 8.
  11. Going back to nursing would let me live on my own – see 2.
  12. I need health care – see 2 & 3.
  13. My son is making life very hard, mine and his own.
  14. I can create. I can write, I can’t get organized, display or sell my work.
  15. My office is an unorganized disaster that keeps me from getting anything constructive done.
  16. I’m tired. see all of the above.
  17. I need to get organized – see all of the above.
  18. I have no idea where to start or what to do next – ditto.
  19. I feel badly that everyone seems to handle their lives better than I do.
  20. Other people have been divorced and remarried since I got separated.
  21. Other people have kids in university and do not turn themselves inside out trying to pay for it and organize it.
  22. Other people are in school themselves and have managed to pay for it, and organize themselves.
  23. Some other people are in school and have kids in school.
  24. Other people get organized and display and sell their art/writing/photography.
  25. Thinking about other people doing everything better is making me nuts.
  26.  I need to see a neurologist. 
  27. My son ate up almost all of our new and unimpressive health insurance – see 13.
  28. I want to take yoga teacher training, it will cost money – see 1, 5 & 10.
  29. I don’t know if it’s just stress making my head hurt – see 13, 16, 25 & 26.
  30. I don’t like getting head aches because they have already caused permanent brain damage and I’d like to keep what marbles I have left – see 26.
  31. I don’t think I have enough marbles left to go back to school – see 1,3,4,5,6……

 

Right. Well there you have it. Take all of those, spin them faster and faster and that would be my brain right now. No wonder I have a headache.

 

 

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2 thoughts on ““Oh no, I’ve said too much…. I’ve said enough”

  1. thanks LB, need any woo woo creative mumbo jumbo? I’m here for you! In the meantime, if I offered pie would you come hold a whip over me while I cleaned out my office?? 🙂

  2. I’m here to listen, babe. And if it helps any, I haven’t got it together, either. My fabulous fashion sense (NOT) may mask it, but I definitely don’t have it together. I don’t think any of us really do. Some are just more committed to hiding it than others.

    Lots of love to you!
    ~Your Left Brain

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